Sweater weather is here. I’ve been trying out a Nuuly subscription and having fun playing with fashion (something I’ve never felt good at but always wanted desperately to be). Work fits below. The leaves are yellow and red, and the mornings are cooler. I feel like a lot is happening. Isn’t it always? Just as I get used to one routine, something changes and I have to adjust again.
I enjoy using tarot archetypes to reflect on my year and what’s happened, and someone I follow described this year as the “year of the pivot” since the card of the year is Wheel of Fortune (10) or The Magician (1), depending on how you interpret it. According to the Chinese astrology, it’s also the year of the fire horse. A year of action and change. It certainly has been “the year of the pivot” for me with unexpected changes, moving, canceling trips, work adjustments etc. And the year’s not over yet, is it? But that said, The Magician energy is there too, and it’s a great year for using your own “magic” to pivot and transform, rather than just waiting for life to hit you.
How do I take the dreams of who I want to be and where I want to be and turn it into reality? How do I create the life I want in the here and now, rather than just wishing it was real? That’s Magician energy. “Abracadabara” comes from a phrase that means “I create as I speak,” and yes, I do believe there’s a lot of power in speaking or writing something as if it’s already true. Call it magic, call it an affirmation, call it whatever you want. When I thought about this at the start of the year, the pivot I decided I wanted to use some “magic” around was: “I am someone who finishes things.” “I finish the projects I start.” (And by the way, the entomology of the word “magician” has roots in simply meaning: “to be able.”)
It feels scary to admit out loud that this is even something I’m attempting because, historically, I don’t have the best track record at finishing things. It’s been something I’ve tried to change in the past and failed at. I mean, I have so many half-finished projects, goals, songs, essays, and random art things. I can’t tell you how many plans I’ve made that I just didn’t do for whatever reason, or things I bought that I never ended up using. Hello, ADHD.
A few years ago I discovered things like Cal Newport and Atomic Habits and these people talked a lot about “just doing things” (hah) and tricks like habit stacking and blocking time on your calendar. It was helpful for me at the time, and I do believe that there’s “magic” in putting something on your calendar and blocking time around it as a way to bring something into existence and make it happen. It helped me start to ground a lot of tasks and “to-dos” in the reality of how long something takes. And I did start getting more done. That said, it wasn’t the whole picture for me.
The missing piece for me was “energy management” (and nervous system stuff, which I’ll get into later). As I started paying attention to why I didn’t follow through on things, I realized it usually came down to me not having an appropriate appreciation for my energy levels. (This is why my mantra at the start of the year was SLEEP IS EVERYTHING, because it’s been the foundation for everything this year.) You can have time for something and not have energy for it. (And no, I don’t believe it’s just a matter of willpower.) For example, if I don’t get enough sleep, I’m going to have zombie-brain during my creative time in the morning. If I don’t eat enough, I’m going to get home from work and not want to follow through on my workout. Trying to force myself to do workouts in the morning conflicts with my desire to have a quiet morning writing. Trying to force myself to come home and do something creative is like pulling teeth because my brain is fried.
I’ve come to realize that I have all sorts of different energy – physical, creative, decision-making, social, work, errand, admin, cooking, etc. And while I can time block the ideal schedule all I want on my calendar, if I don’t have energy for a task at that time, it’s like trying to put a square peg in a round hole and I’m just setting myself up for failure. Like yes, technically I have time but the time must match the energy.
It’s become a bit of a game for myself to figure out how I can match the time with the energy more naturally. Like doing a workout in the afternoon / after work always fits my energy a little more naturally and as long as I’ve gotten enough sleep and eaten enough, it energizes me for more tasks. I love to create and make decisions in the morning. It’s so easy then! By the time evening rolls around, I’m scattered and it’s a lot harder. So beyond just putting things on my calendar, I’ve been asking myself: How can I make sure I have the right energy for that thing at that time? How can I stop forcing and exist in a better flow state where my energy matches the time I have?
So far this year, I would say that it’s working. This year I wanted to become someone who is consistent with working out and lifting weights. In September I hit my goal of lifting weights 12 times, and somehow I’m still on track for my bike goals. I wanted to write 12 blog posts this year, and this is #9! I wanted to prioritize sleep and food, and I’m getting more sleep than ever. Last year I was buying lunches multiple times a week and this year I have significantly reduced my spending on lunches – I think my average is probably buying a lunch every other week. Huge! More weeks than not, I’m actually crossing out the things on my to-do list and building trust in myself that yeah: I’m someone who finishes things!
All that feels good, but of course, not everything has happened. I wanted to make more videos and that’s fallen to the wayside. I wanted to be better at meal prepping, and I’m still not great at it. I had big plans for some areas of my life, and I haven’t made any progress. And this morning, I bailed on plans to go on a bike ride.
If something doesn’t happen, I think there must either be a disconnect between time, energy, or priority.
Another important piece of the puzzle for me has been: nervous system. I don’t believe affirmations work until you start to believe it’s true at a nervous system level. You must say the thing and find the evidence of the thing. “I finish the projects I start,” doesn’t feel 100% true yet because I have such a bad track record of it. But every time I finish some project (like a blog post!) I tell myself, “I finish the projects I start. I’m someone who finishes things. I bring my creative goals to life.” And there’s a little part of me that feels relaxed and happy and says, “yeah, that’s true!” And the more I do it, the more that part grows…and the internal pivot starts happening.
To be able to change, some call that willpower, and well, to me…it feels a little magical. To take something and transform it into something different. To create new neural pathways, routines, and beliefs about oneself.
I used to get to this time of year and think, “The year is almost over. Guess I’ll try again next year.” But a few years ago, I wondered: What if I think of this time as “trial run” for what I want to do and who I want to be next year? It’s just a trial run, so who cares if you fail or change your mind? I love the idea of fresh starts, and I looooove getting a “head start” on my goals, so suddenly fall felt very exciting, like I was getting a secret head start on the year ahead.
Last November, I realized I had totally failed in my goal of being consistent with my skin care routine. I decided there was time to start again and get a head start on 2026. And by the time January rolled around, I’d been doing it 4-5 times a week as “practice,” and building trust in myself that I could do it. So I kept doing it. This year I’ve been more consistent with it than I have been in years.
There’s three months left in this year, and I’ve been thinking about what I can finish before the year ends. How can I take what I’ve “failed” at this year and start to dream about it again, play and experiment for the year ahead? You can do a lot with three months; there’s still time to finish things. What do I want to change and transform if the things I’m doing now are just practice for next year? What’s something I can shift right now, even if it’s just drinking a glass of water? Tomorrow’s a new day, but right now is a new moment. Pivot. 🙂
